The power of connection: How caring relationships shape early brain development

From the moment your baby is born, their brain is developing at a remarkable pace—making over a million new neural connections every second. What’s shaping those connections more than anything else? You. Not toys, not screens, not even preschool curriculums—just everyday, loving interactions with the caring adults in their lives. Research from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child has shown that early brain development depends heavily on responsive relationships with adults. Your voice, your touch, your expressions, and the way you respond to your child’s needs are building the foundation for their future learning, health, and behavior.

One of the most powerful ways this happens is through what researchers call “Serve and Return” interactions. When your baby coos, smiles, or gestures, they’re “serving”—and when you respond by making eye contact, smiling back, or speaking to them, you’re “returning.” It’s just like a game of catch, and it’s how your child learns that their actions matter, their voice is heard, and they are safe in the world. These moments aren’t extras—they are essentials. Every back-and-forth exchange builds the architecture of the brain, supporting communication, emotional regulation, and even future academic skills.

What’s most empowering is knowing that you don’t need extra time, fancy toys, or parenting perfection to make this happen. Serve and Return moments are everywhere: making eye contact during a diaper change, singing in the car, copying your toddler’s silly sounds, or narrating your grocery list out loud while they ride in the cart. These interactions teach your child that they are important, seen, and connected. And when life feels busy or stressful, these small, intentional moments can still have a powerful impact.

That said, parenting isn’t always easy—and real life can make it hard to show up the way we’d like to. Many families I work with are juggling long work hours, single parenthood, mental health challenges, financial stress, or housing instability. Others are navigating life in a new country, adjusting to a different language or culture, and doing their best without a strong support system. If any of this sounds familiar, please know: your love is enough. Even if you’re tired or overwhelmed, even when the day doesn’t go as planned, the small things still count. A hug, a kind word, a deep breath taken together—these are the moments that build trust and resilience.

There are many simple, meaningful ways to build these connections, even when you’re short on time. Talk to your child during routines—describe what you’re doing as you cook, dress them, or drive. Make time for face-to-face play, even if it’s just five minutes. Copy their sounds or gestures to show you’re paying attention. Read a book together or just look at pictures and name what you see. Comfort them when they’re upset, even if you can’t fix the problem. Your calm presence teaches them how to manage their own emotions. These interactions may seem small, but over time, they have a big impact on how your child sees themselves and others.

As an educator, I see my role not just as a teacher to your child, but as a partner to you. I want you to know that you don’t have to do this alone. My job is to support your child and to support you—by sharing ideas that work for your unique situation, celebrating your strengths, and offering encouragement and resources when needed. Together, we can create a strong team that surrounds your child with the connection and support they need to thrive.

Above all, I want you to remember this: you are enough. You don’t have to do everything—you just have to be you, showing up with love and presence as often as you can. You are the most important person in your child’s life, and the time, attention, and care you give—no matter how small it may feel—is shaping their future. Every time you respond with warmth, curiosity, or calm, you are building your child’s brain and their sense of security. Even on the tough days, you are making a difference.

If you’d like to learn more about Serve and Return and how relationships shape child development, I highly recommend checking out the resources from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child. They offer videos, articles, and tips to support you in these early years.

You’ve got this. And you’re doing better than you think.